NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone shattered a urinal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
