he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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