martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bring me that man meat
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize