Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
