The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize