I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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