I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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