Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
