dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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