dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
