my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
