i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize