she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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