I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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