I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
