I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
