I wish i was in the wii world.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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