I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The feeling are messing with the penis
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
