The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
