After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
