no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ass is underappreciated
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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