Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
