Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
