Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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