If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
