She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
