Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
