i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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