You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
