I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
