just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
