I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
