Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
