I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
