I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
