ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
