Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
