New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
