she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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