Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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