I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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