Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we're making bets on your personal life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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