I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
