I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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