What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
