Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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