PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
