Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
