You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
