i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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