I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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