You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize