My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
