I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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