You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
