How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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