so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
