Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
