I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
