All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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