I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
