just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
