I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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