I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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