I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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