Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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