remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
