I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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