we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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