my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
