She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
