We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
