he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
