2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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