it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
