...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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