She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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