Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
did you just send me my own nude
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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