And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
