hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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