dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize