I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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