butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
