I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
