You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
