Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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