The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
