Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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