i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
